Me [22F] with my SO [23M] of 3years got back together, but I can’t move past his cheating.
Sorry for the wall of text Idk why the gaps aren’t showing even if I enter three times after each para!
We were together for about three years when I was 17-late 19. It was like any other relationship at the start and we were practically glued together. He became my best friend first, and showered me with care and would show up &stay with me till dawn if I was upset at night etc and it touched me, so I agreed to being together etc etc.
Before I met him he dated another girl. We became friends shortly after it didn’t work out between them. Out of jealousy, she posted tons of nasty things about me online and urged everyone in school to stay away from me etc cause I was a slut/bitch. She even texted him to stay away from me. He ignored the texts and helped me through the hate spread at school. a few months later we were together.
After the honeymoon phase, things got bad. He would vanish for days and weeks if he was unhappy about anything, even if we didn’t argue. No matter how I pleaded, he ignored every text or email. If I tried to find him, there were times he slapped and pushed me, or locked me out in the rain. He lied and broke promises and vanished as often as twice a week. Blinded by my dependence and love for him I couldn’t leave, and stuck with him.
During one of the disappearances(including pleading and begging him to even reply a word), I stumbled upon a browser he did not log out off. He was contacting that girl and telling her he still/always loved her and think about her, but hoped for her to find love cause it was «impossible between us since I have (retainersrhorrible)». They had been messaging for nights whenever he vanished, flirting and talking bout how he wanted her back and wanted to know how things would like if he didn’t meet me and they continued dating. (This is considered emotionally cheating right?) I found him in person that day and he slapped me. I left him.
Coming back to the present, after half a year we were back to friends and a few months later his remorse for past mistakes and care brought us back to dating (not in a relationship yet as I’m not sure/ready). I know everyone is expecting it to go back to the cycle but he had really changed. He would call me and give me space if there were problems, and waited to discuss any arguments with me. No more disappearing, and keeps every promise. He puts in effort to Skype me everyday if we were too busy to meet up etc. no more physical fights as well.
But I can’t move past what he said to her. He says it was a mistake he didn’t think through and he said it because he wanted her to have faith in love again(?!) and not because he really feels that way, promising he never stopped loving me and will always be faithful.
What if he’s with me just cause it’s what’s familiar, and because it’s easy knowing I love him? I keep feeling like someday I’m going to find another secret another lie. He always says he wants to work on this and fix the issue, that he’ll always be here when I need him. Should I work on fixing this or what else can I do? Sorry for the long post!
tl;dr: Boyfriend told ex he still loved her. Left him and got back together, not sure if trust issue to be worked on or he’s lying that what he told her wasn’t true.
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