Understand yourself. Know your own real needs and distinguish them from other people’s expectations. Be honest with yourself about your faults, you need to meet someone who will find your faults minor and forgivable but prize your strengths. Sometimes they’re the same thing — a determined go-getter can be described as stubborn by someone who doesn’t like her. Try turning every criticism anyone ever gave you inside out, find the compliment version and ask if it’s true.
Don’t expect perfection. Admit it; you’re not perfect. No one is. If you’re looking for a 100% perfect man, you will never find him. So be quick to forgive those little mistakes or annoying habits that don’t really matter, and hopefully he will overlook your imperfections too. Understand what types of annoying habits rile you so much they’re a deal-breaker and be up front about those, as well as those you don’t think of as a big deal. If you can’t stand a forgetful man, you may have to bend on something else to find one who never forgets an anniversary or errand.
Be the person you want to marry. What kind of person are you attracted too? What kinds of traits does he have to have? In order to attract the kind of person you like, you have to have those traits too. Also look at traits that are complementary — if you’re very domestic, you may be happier with a man who doesn’t putter in your kitchen but never gripes about mowing the lawn or cleaning the gutters.
Be active. Find a hobby or two. Whether you like to play sports, paint, play a musical instrument, or go clubbing at night, surrounding yourself with people of your same interests will increase your chances of meeting the man of your dreams while having fun at the same time. Don’t think you have any hobbies? Try something creative, you may have unexpected talents and discover it’s fun. Go out and volunteer in your community.
Making good first impressions are important. You don’t have to be the most fashionable person, but you do need to keep your appearance neat and clean or seek someone equally casual. Also, be friendly. Be the one who initiates a conversation. Smile at everyone. If you like to be listened to, find a shy man who likes to listen.
The way you dress is very important in a first impression. It can really determine what kind of guys you attract. If you dress in a way that is in your comfort zone, you will probably attract a good and commitment-making guy. If you dress out of your comfort zone you might be seen as timid or nervous. If you dress to express a subculture like Goth or medieval recreation or something, you’ll stand a better chance of finding someone within that subculture but it may put off mainstream guys. Artists are often attracted to women with paint in their hair, mainstream guys might not be.
Understand codependence. There are many good books and articles about codependence. A codependent relationship brings out the worst in both partners and shatters lives. If you grew up in a codependent environment, seek counseling and learn to overcome codependent habits before getting serious about any romantic relationship. You’re better off taking your time than enduring the emotional and possibly physical abuse of codependence. That’s what it leads to — abuse.
Be real. Don’t try to be someone you’re not, or you may get typecast in a narrow role that doesn’t include all that you are. If you’re normally casual and dress to the nines whenever you meet him, he may reasonably expect you to dress like that all the time and be disappointed once you’re together. If you pretend you don’t like books and hook up with him, you may wind up spending the rest of your life having an argument every time you want to order from Amazon.
Be patient and don’t give up! He is out there!
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