Begin by making a list of things about your life that you don’t want to change. For example: Watching sports, working on the computer every evening, spending time outdoors (or not), etc.
Next, make a list of things that you have admired about women you have met. Don’t write a fantasy list — this should be realistic. For example: (She) likes a particular religion, particular political beliefs or activism, sports, dancing and socializing, wants kids, is frugal with money, career oriented, loves animals and cooking, wants to hang out together, but somewhat independent.
When you meet a potential candidate: Spend the first few dates «talking». Yes, that means face to face, preferably fully clothed. Plan on asking a lot of questions. Pay attention to the questions she asks you also, as these are clues to what’s important to her. Now compare what you learn about her to the lists.
Notice if she has a great deal of make-up and conspicuously-expensive (not just somewhat nice) fashion accessories, car, or other items. This could suggest not only that she’s actually rather plain-looking (not so bad in the scheme of things, happens to us all over time) but that she is nervous about that and/or self-absorbed and non-frugal.
Don’t ignore things that don’t match up. For example, if you like to watch TV and she doesn’t, it won’t take long for her to get fed up with you, regardless of how handsome you are.
Ask to meet her friends, and have her meet yours. Your friends may offer feedback about your new flame — pay attention to the feedback. Also, her friends may tell stories about her past. These could be informative!
Remember, you are looking for a wife, not just a roommate or sex partner. Ask lots of questions before investing too much time in the wrong relationship.
Don’t become mesmerized with her beauty and charm. Remember «All things that are new are beautiful».. Be subjective, be realistic.. Look at what she brings to the table.. How does she approach her employment ? Is she dedicated or does she change jobs every year? How does she keep her place ? If she has children, are they behaved ?? Does she have an angry X in the picture ? How much debt does she carry ? These are all very real things to look at.
How’s her relationship with her family ? Are they always involved in every detail of her life, or are they absent from her life.. Hopefully it’s a healthy balance.. Well meaning or busybody parents can place a lot of undue stress on your relationship if not careful. On the other hand, if she has abandoned her family all together, you could be next, something to think about..
Are you sexually compatible ? This is an important issue. A lot of people think they can adjust their desires / needs up or down to match their partners.. While this is true to a small extent, there cannot be a large differential in this area. If you are a twice a week person and she is a twice a month person this will cause problems very soon.
You need to find someone who is a friend and a lover. That is, does this person have the qualities you like in same-sex friendships? Fun, reliable, trustworthy, generous, respectful? Does this person show empathy when you go through hard times? Or do they abandon you? Real friends stick with each other when life is tough.
Be aware that there are a lot of people who are not marriage material. There are some basic qualities that people need to have in order to be a good marriage partner. People who lie, cheat, steal, put their addictions first, those who are selfish, mean, lazy, and self-centered usually do not have what it takes to be good spouses. Watch out for people with bad childhoods who have never worked to overcome and improve themselves. You cannot fix them. They have to do the hard work themselves.
Check her hygiene. Was she presentable and attractive the first three dates and then as time goes along things start lagging ? Hair not made, Jeans and t-shirt every day, body odor, oral hygiene, You laugh, but this happens a lot more than you think.. You fell in love with a classy well kept and groomed woman. If she doesn’t care about her appearance, she doesn’t care about herself and soon enough she won’t care about you either.
Check out how she acts in a public forum. Example, dinner party at a friends, Afternoon cook-out at your parents / relatives. How does she interact with others ? Is she a wallflower that doesn’t say boo to anyone, or is she over the top to the point where she is embarrassing herself and you ? You want someone that is pleasant to be around, can hold a conversation with people and most of all is not rude to anyone.
Did she break up with someone to be with you ? Did she break up with someone to be with the guy she broke up with to be with you ? This is a huge red flag.. This is called a track record.. Be very wary of a person that does this.. The people in her life are void fillers, not meaningful relationships.. She never made time between relationships to learn and evolve.. She is too self absorbed to cover this step.. Be assured this will most likely be a flash in the pan encounter, and someone will be waiting in the wings when she calls it quits with you..
Check her vices.. Does she drink a lot ? Does she smoke a lot ? What are her addictions ? Medication, etc. If she over indulges in any of these you probably want to pass on her.. If you have ever been involved at anytime in your life with someone that has a substance abuse issue you know what I mean.. This is very destructive to any relationship.
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