Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.
– Chuang Tzu
95% of everything you’ll ever need to know about meeting women can be summed up in four words: Go with the flow. Instead of trying to meet girls, focus entirely on yourself. Create a life that’s interesting and worthwhile to you, not because that’s an attractive quality to women, but because it’s your life and you are all you have. If you can’t live your own adventure, you’ll never be happy.
Funnily enough, doing things to impress women is pretty unimpressive. Neediness will bury you. The only way to attract the types of girls that actually belong in your life is to direct all your energy into being a world-class chef, rock star computer geek, champion race car driver, or whatever else lights your fire.
And then just talk to the people that show up on your path. Whether that path is the sidewalk on the way to the grocery store, the poker table, the front row of the audience at your show, or a bar or club that you’d be going to anyway, even if you already had a girlfriend. No matter what you do, there will be people all around you. The guy who asks, “Where’s a good place to meet girls?”, assumes that he can’t say hi to the gorgeous girl picking tomatoes beside him at the grocery store, or that he can’t walk up to a girl in a room full of seated people and just start talking to her.
Believe it or not, you can. It’s not the situation that stops you. It’s your ego that stops you. Getting rejected by a girl poses a serious threat to who you think you are. But here’s a little secret: If you’re constantly getting rejected, you’re constantly getting laid.
Fear of Rejection
You can’t do anything to change what a girl thinks of you. The moment you try to change someone’s opinion of you, you’ve conceded to their reality, instead of living life on your own terms and letting social polarity work out the details. The vast majority of guys who think they have no idea how to meet girls are really just making excuses for having a lethal fear of rejection.
How do you meet girls? By talking to them.
If you have the balls to talk to girls anywhere, anytime, you’ve nailed down a crucial 20% of the secret to attracting women that belong in your life. The other 80%, of course, is to be doing something so interesting with your life that women become an enjoyable diversion, rather than the foundation of your happiness. If you don’t respect yourself enough to approach girls that appeal to you, and find it hard to ignore being laughed at sometimes by the sexually frustrated masses, then you’re going to have to settle for whatever girl decides to allow you to have sex with her.
There Is No Try
The girls I meet are interested in me right away. If they aren’t, I’m not going to try and change their minds. In fact, I usually don’t even respond to anything less than a smile. If her reaction was anything but warm and receptive, I’m already talking to someone else. No hard feelings, but at the same time, life is too short to waste on the Nos. If Montreal weren’t full of astoundingly beautiful women, I might have to reconsider my wholesale approach. Thankfully, natural, high-fashion beauty is available here in bulk.
In fact, these days, I get approached more and more. The most recent example of this was New Year’s Eve. I was out with my buddy Yas, partying it up, when this girl came up to us and asked for a light. My buddy started talking to her really interestedly. A few minutes later, we all walked back inside. As I walked towards the dance floor, the girl grabs me from behind and pulls me over to introduce me to her friend. Here we go again…
This seemed pretty fun, so I stayed tuned in for several minutes. Then a good song came on so I headed to the dance floor once again. I noticed that the girl didn’t join me, but it didn’t matter either way. The Now moment is the only moment that counts, especially when it comes to social interactions.
During the next hour or two, I met a bunch of other people, and lost track of my buddy. This happens just about every time I go out to large social gatherings with friends. It’s also why I can have such a great time, even when I go out on my own.
By midnight, I was on the dance floor, dancing with these girls I had met outside about 20 minutes earlier. When the New Year hit, the girl who approached me and my buddy earlier finds me on the dance floor to come wish me Happy New Year–with a kiss.
We start dancing, and she ends up inviting me to her place afterwards. Rather, she didn’t invite me, but was saying things like, “Yeah, when you come to our place later on…” Hmmm, okay.
But apparently that kiss was a commitment. This girl eventually starts getting possessive towards me. She gets visibly jealous seeing me talk to other girls. Fast forward to a couple hours later, and I’m outside talking to a couple dudes about Quebec’s equivalent of Woodstock, how awesome Montreal girls are, and various other things, when this girl taps me from behind.
“Bye Brad. We’re leaving.” Whoa, she’s pissed now.
“Okay, have a good night!” I reply, with a goodbye cheek-to-cheek. And back to the conversation…
The more people you meet, the more you’ll see patterns emerge, and the less you’ll take it personally when things go sour. Sometimes the drama takes a few days, weeks, months, or even years to unfold, but it all boils down to the same ego-based insecurities. And it’s no big deal. Just go with the flow, and be thankful when you find things out up front.
No one is good or evil. We’re all just a bunch of egos passing judgement on other egos, to help keep our own ego intact. Strange but true.
A guy who gets both legs amputated has a walking problem. A guy who loses his front teeth in a hockey fight has a dental problem. A guy who says, “I can’t approach that girl! What if she rejects me!?” does not have a problem meeting women. He’s created the problem in his head, but it isn’t real. So at any moment, you can delete this self-destruction from your life.
What do you say to a hot girl when you see her? Anything you want. Even asking that kind of question is just an excuse to not be alive, out there in the world, making yourself vulnerable, speaking your truth, and living with the consequences.
If there’s anything good about self-inflicted misery, it’s that only you can change it, and the present moment is always giving you permission to let go.
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